Lost, lost in the offing

I could make it about anything so long as I’m stalling, so long as I ride the high, so long as this light paints me in a flattering view – but only then, what we have is just a trick on the eye. Only then.

You shared embraces I call salvation and they make me go on for another day. We both know nothing will come out of it – and that’s fine. The depths of my solace are sweet delusions I use to sedate my fears to submission. I have a habit of making poetry in every silence, in every un-typed unwritten decision, reaction. And now I am exploring ways to be obscure, to filter those who will make an effort to understand. You once said you want new ways to communicate. I need the opposite. And it is in this world’s nature to betray.

The series of Youtube music I periodically post on my Facebook are streams of thought, mine. And if you’d only take a listen, you’d know which way my head is heading – just for a day’s notice. Chrome’s Momentum is giving me mauve skies – and that Angels in America reference is lost, far between the candles and a thousand rainfalls inside me that has yet to land.

I keep telling people I don’t really know what I want – which is both an excuse and a lie. Half the time I know when I want someone for fucks or for feels, but I can never figure out which side I want you – partly because that decision is not for me to say.

The thing that makes it interesting is that we don’t know who’s stringing who for a ride. And I’m grinning over the brewing shitstorm this tryst could get us in the middle of. Up to what angle of me can you appreciate? – that’s something I have considered, especially upon discovering that people only find me amusing on the surface. I love seeing the look on their faces when they find out what I’m capable of, which basically means I’m as fucked up as they come.

Technically, you ain’t seen nothing yet. We could be each other’s hurricanes – and that could very well be heaven, at least for one of us.

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