[Existen/essen]tial

Dear Big Mouth Blog,

I apologize for prioritizing life over you. A long time ago I made a commitment to the artistry and I seem to have been pouring all my creativity to my profession that I neglect coloring you with it.

All it takes to get me in retrospect and take my thoughts to writing is getting me buzzed and slash or lost in spaces that engulf me in the damp wooden scent of nostalgia. So while the world is still spinning and I can still feel the itch to have fingers type on foreign keys, let me profess to you my deepest sins.

I have been listless. Adulthood is something new, and I haven’t decided yet if it’s something to my liking. Dreaming used to be orgasmic but when you’re putting things into action, it’s like going against the grain and the odds and your nature altogether combined. I cannot just up and leave and check out like I used to anymore – because I have responsibilities – and believe me it hurts to even spell that word out.

In the meantime, I leave you with music I use to sedate my doubts with.

It hurts when you don’t know what’s hurting you,
when you’ve got nowhere else to escape.
And all you ever feel is trapped.

Erik.

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